Thursday, May 25, 2023

Friday Eve

     Whew only a few more days of call then a week of work then I'm off. I have never been so ready. In addition to work, I had some jaw-dropping news in my personal and work family this week that have made me manic. Finally feeling more grounded. Nothing terrible (well the work was a little frustrating), nothing that doesn't make sense in retrospect, but still. There are things that make you change your worldview. Like having a kid. Lys brought me homemade pumpkin bread in the hospital when I had Cecelia, I will never forget how wonderful it tasted. And on the ride home, with little C in her carseat, I marveled at how I will never look at banal things like Toys R Us the same. It's like being cracked open, raw and bloody. Then you get grounded, and realize you have to fit into a new mold now.

    I had Paula yesterday for the first time in a month, it was much needed. The clearing over the last few months has helped my GI issues in so many ways. I only have exorcist moments every month, instead of three times a week. I finally went to the dentist for the first time in two years. Last time, she told me my gag reflex was so bad (she couldn't take films) that I'd have to take a benzo and have a driver to come back. That daunted me. After I broke my jaw, I had two root canals in the middle of a work day. Can't take benzos and go to work. So I learned the other day I needed a root canal then a crown and then she can fill four cavities. FOUR! I have never had more than one at a time. Got the root set up for Monday the 5th. After a mom and daughter massage in the morning.

    C leaves for Denmark and London on the 8th of June. So I'm glad I have that week off to spend some time with her. Pedi's and walks together is on her wish list. I miss you mom, she said. She and Woody spent a few days in Florida with my mom and dad this week and that made me happy, the pics are amazing. Her ETA is 7:00 tonight. I bought lots of yummy goodies to plow her with. Dark chocolate covered cashews, caramelized pecans. Fresh pimento and pesto from Boulevard, chicken and garlic tortellini, and Amanda Ferrell, who came for book club last weekend, introduced me to yet another incredible candy bar. Mayan chocolate.

    Where the hell did you get this? I texted her the next day. You are my chocolate angel. Whole Foods check out, she texted back. Jack and S went to town I had to hide the last two. I enjoyed the chocolate pretzel peanut butter one last night there are lots of varieties. Jauss said her son loved them so much she will also be headed to buy more soon. I'm more of a savory than sweet person but I appreciate a well thought out sweet, if only a bite or two.

    Jess told me there were three autopsies (!) while I was gone - she said the transfer to UAMS has gotten much smoother. Gross room is busy, but running well. Lots of John Sims frozens this week. And neuro. I told Blake Phillips in the Dr. Lounge the other morning at 7:30 you and Burson are taxing me this week with weird cases. Tell me, he said. There was an NF1 (think Elephant man). 7 cm mediastinal mass eroding into the C-spine. This is a first for me. I feel like Shaver and I are on the path to figure it out. Detective work. Not easy, but fun, and hopefully we can help the patient.

    Been emotionally labile, uncharacteristically crying. Surprising myself. Luckily I have lots of support. Singing helps. Writing helps. Connection helps. Looking forward to a full house this weekend, Jack is coming over tomorrow too. S's dad (who I love) will be here and his ex Monica is hosting her oldest son Chris and his adult son Zach. Probably will be some pool fun on Sunday, even though we discovered the pool heater is broken and although we are on a list we cannot get a pool fixer to show up for the second year in a row to save our lives. Maybe waist level? If not at least some sun and books and food and company. Happy Thursday, much love, Elizabeth.



No comments: