Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Low Hanging Fish

     Rage, is what I'm feeling. Past 48 hours. Full of it. Finally knocking the wind out of my sails. Can't really discuss why, sometimes you have to reign it in instead of airing your dirty laundry for the whole world (at least my 22 or so hits a post) to see. Writing is like activating the steam valve. Like S's riding of bikes. We joke, he's riding, I'm writing. Or like singing, for me anyway. It helps stem the urge to curse the shit out of anyone and everyone.

    I ran out of my blood pressure meds on Sunday and yesterday, well it went by way of the water and yogurt and berries in my stomach that cut my day way short. Luckily I hit the trash can. But embarrassing. It's like the Exorcist girl, for all the office with the thin walls to hear. Today when I came in to see my work was taken care of I cried to the secretary in relief and gratitude. Shaver came in this morning and gave me a loving lecture, much needed. We are family. We need to depend on each other. You aren't the only one who gets sick. I didn't even know you went home.

    I should have told you, I said. I was just feeling helpless and weak. To ask for help? Unthinkable. More sign of already weakness. We were happy to plug in. You know that breast cancer case (I had done half of my work but couldn't stay around bc I was running hot and cold and felt like I was going to blow off to histology, them bringing cases too slow to get me out of there). I did ask Staggs to cover my afternoon frozens, I said. But thank you for recognizing and absorbing. There was a micromet in the lymph node that you half worked up. You didn't see it, I didn't either, on the H&E. I told him that's why I always tell the gross room cytokeratins are important, on these breast sentinel nodes. Order in advance. I've seen two of those, since January. You cannot be too careful.

    I went to get my metoprolol about 6 hours after I turned in the slip to the pharmacy. Usually you text me a lot sooner than this? She spent an excruciating ten minutes looking through the drawers. It's not here. An agonizingly slow consult with the pharmacist revealed that I cannot pick them up until April 1. You picked it up last January 23. But that's not until Saturday, I said, my blood pressure rising ironically. Do you want me to wait until Saturday to control my blood pressure? Thinking, they are acting like I'm begging for Vicodin or something. 

    Well, she finally said, under pressure and the state of my duress, we can get you some but you have to pay for it. Fine! I said. How much can it cost? Um 10 dollars and 49 cents. That's well worth my while to get it, I told her. And you will have extra! She said. What the fresh hell is this? New insurance rules? I've never been denied the one med I have needed over the past few years.

    My financial advisor came for a regular update today. Things are looking good. He's smart, I learn a lot by listening to him but this is not my area of expertise, like physics, so I sometimes get lost in my head. We were discussing ways to save money. How about running one of those audits on our checking account? To get rid of those miscellaneous charges. I've seen it advertised on TV, I asked. Or is that just a low hanging fish. Drumbeat. Fruit I meant, and we LOLOL'd. He said I was thinking catfish maybe? Or flounder! I quipped. Absolutely not a low hanging fruit. Give me a year's statement, I'll get James on that ASAP.

    So then we got onto the subject of our upcoming vacation in May for two weeks. I've never done two weeks in a row - years ago Maria told me it was the best, you really get to unwind. My first European trip was a few years ago with S and his Mom to the small town she grew up in, Bad Herzfeld. It was nice, scenery beautiful, but no one spoke English. No menus in English. S's mom can speak fluent German, but doesn't have a lot of reading capacity. I'd order something on a menu and it would come out like a fish head floating in jelly, something completely unedible. S said this was not the case before the Wall fell. Everyone spoke English. Like the rest of the world, people are getting more territorial.

    So I was super claustrophobic planning this trip. Katherine Lu was recommended by Scott Marotti and Laura Sanders. Needed a change from at least in my recent experience overpriced and incompetent Poe. You will be fine, my brother told me. There is Google translate now. Katherine created a super personal 16 page itinerary. I know that this sounds like a lot, but it is very detailed. 

    I want a terrace or balcony every place we stay. Check. S needs access to a bike. Check. We don't want that experience of running around like chickens with our heads cut off, we need built in free time. Check. We want English speaking tour guides, and when we go to a wine tasting in Bordeaux, we want someone to transport us there that speaks English. Gotcha, in a Mercedes SUV. Ah bliss.

    When I was in Chicago last week Mike and Effie took us to a restaurant. In Chinatown, we went to a hot-pot - new to me. Three amazing bubbling broths in the middle of the table to dip a million things in that was staged. Watermelon slush so yummy I ordered an extra pitcher. Kimuki? Maybe? Which I splurged on the 22 bc it was Michael's bday. 35 dollar cocktails, more than the small plates. I had the smoothest Japanese whiskey on the planet. Effie and Mike told me they were world-known for their cocktails (and I can't spell renouned so we will leave it at that).

    So I'm excited for food in Spain and France and not feeling like I'm hemmed in by not knowing the language. Thank goddess I'm not on call this week. Too much else is going on. Happy Tuesday, much love, Elizabeth

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