Monday, August 1, 2022

Purging

     Last week Cecelia decided in characteristic OCD Type A oldest child fashion that she had to start packing for college right away bc she's seeing it happen on social media. I got a couple of days off - August 18 and 19 - to move her in. That's almost a month away. Jack and I were laughing as we were helping her wrap all the goodies I gifted her in her mountains of clothes into suitcases. Both Jack and I would be doing this the night before. Or a week or two into school when we realized how little we had pre-planned. But, she's a pre-planner. So we indulged her.

    It was super satisfying. I got rid of miscellaneous glasses and coffee cups and baking items and wine glasses. A pumpkin cake mold I've never used and didn't even know I had. Are you sure momma? She asked incredulously and I assured her that I was not a baker but if I happened to get a wild hair I'd order something online or just go to the baking isle at Kroger. She squealed when I gifted her a never used juicer I won at an auction to benefit the Shakespeare program at UCA a decade ago. To support a college friend. I could see the wheels turning in her head - imagining future juicing sessions after class. Mia is going to love this mom, thanks a bunch.

    I saw on social media a couple of weeks ago that an acquaintance does Reiki sessions and her space looked so inviting I called her up and talked to her. Had an in person session last week. It's hard, Lisa and I have worked sporadically since the beginning of the pandemic, to gain anything from a phone conversation and I've been so stuck lately. This was such an incredible session - I had a major breakthrough. I'm looking forward to working with Paula more, and offered to take her to dinner Wednesday night to talk about her journey. Lisa clearly inherited all her talents, but Paula has had to work for them. And she seems like one of the most disciplined people on the planet. 

    All of this because I'm still trying to figure out my journey. I heavily researched Andrew Weil's Integrative Medicine Fellowship a couple of years ago and Yousef urged me to wait - he said it was the beginning of the pandemic and I'm just too busy. Despite the fact that I'm a procrastinator I can easily bite off more than I can chew, much like Cecelia. He was right. It's so intensive and we are so understaffed and overworked and as a pathologist what the hell am I going to do with all that patient related stuff. I could apply it to myself, but I can just read a book and do that without having to take classes and follow a schedule, none of which I have time to do.

    I was telling Paula all about my GI issues and lack of energy and how I was hoping to eclipse all this. As I was describing my awful dry heaves she said maybe a spiritual purging? I smiled. Intuitively, I think I know this is what is going on. But still I seek modern medicine out because I'm at my wit's end. It's been three years. It's getting better, but still. My physical health throws my mental health sideways and it's just not good. 

    Tonight I came home and decided it might help to clean out my closet. Get rid of all those size 6's and 8's and anything with a waist size under 30. Those aspirations are toxic, and in my past I think. I'd like to get back into yoga and get back on the treadmill slowly and strengthen my core but never again with the goal of being as small as I can possibly be. Kimberly lives near a halfway house for women and children recovering from addiction (and I'm sure abuse and neglect and all the other things women are subjected to in this world as third class citizens). I've got five large bags of half of the clothes in my life to donate. Another satisfying purge.

    Well it's been a halfway decent Monday for a change. Had time to start working on April Q/A and do the annoying monthly time sheet that came into vogue a few years ago. I swear, if every overworked person had to write down everything they did all day long to benefit the hospital and not our company - with numbered codes and time increments - we would all explode. But we do it, because they task us to. And luckily I'm still intact.

    Oh funny story I told micro huddle and Mike Perkins, the new Greg Crain in the game of hospital admin bingo and Mackenzie last week - with her I was searching for help. I told Eddie Phillips in line for lunch on Friday (he's the OB who delivered Cecelia and turned admin - how do I turn admin? Looks like a path of least resistance) and he chastised me for almost ruining is lunch. Former OB, I laughed, acting squeamish. LOL, I teased him.

    We had our gross room fridge replaced last October. Brand spanking new, transparent glass doors. It's been circling the drain for about two months and finally went kaput two weeks ago. We put in a work order to Darrell, the refrigerator guy for all of Baptist, and despite his earnest efforts there have been manufacturing supply issues. Weekends are not too busy - we put in a mini fridge in the gross room for the gallbladders and appendixes, which go on formalin, until we can get to them on Monday. Sunday is the only day we don't have anyone staffed.

    Legs are the only things too big for buckets of formalin - we gross them straight from the fridge where they have been placed in their red biohazard bags. And they also won't fit in the mini-fridge. So for the past two weekends all the legs amputated on Saturday afternoon, evening, and Sunday are going into a dead fridge. And who knew how many legs are amputated on the weekend? A LOT. So nurses have been paging and calling and complaining and making our lives a literal hell for the past two weeks. Jessica has been getting the brunt of it, but I got paged last Sunday after Shaver was paged the Sunday before and what do you expect us to do? Wave a magic wand and make a large fridge? This is a Baptist issue.

    The nurses, who have been a little hysterical about the legs in the past (NOW we can see them with this new fridge! We hate to see them it's so offensive). Um, they are wrapped in bags, and you are OR nurses surely you see a lot worse. I actually hear all the stink was started by a male DR. LOL. Hysteria is contagious. Our Sunday calls have been because the stink of rotting flesh coming from the unrefridgerated legs is soooo bad that they don't even want to wheel patients back to the OR to get their mostly emergent surgery. I get it, but what are you going to do?

    Mackenzie found no short term solution but just being able to tell the nurses we had admin involved took loads of pressure off of PLA gross room and weekend on call path. I got a text today that Darrell made a new connection and someone would be here Wednesday, with the proper part this time (they screwed it up last week). I was kvetching with Mackenzie about new appliances and their problems and she agreed. Nothing is made to last like it used to be. Happy Monday, much love, Elizabeth

 

      

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