Saturday, February 26, 2022

Penile Foreign Object #2

     What a crazy normal Arkansas weather week it has been. At least it will be back in the 70's by the end of the week. The ice is pretty, and I'm glad it didn't cause too much trouble. Round two may or may not happen tonight, but we are being conservative. I canceled a dinner with a friend and Jack is a little frustrated he can't go to the gym but I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially with a 16 year old, however cautious he is. It's so good to see Jack! It's been two weeks and now we have him for two whole weeks. Planning a trip to Fayetteville next weekend for a pre-birthday celebration for C and he's gonna stay in her dorm they are both so excited. He was raving about Hamilton - I bought him and S and his dad really good tickets for last weekend when I was gone. I always felt a little guilty I took C when Jack was the one that was obsessed with it bc of his Episcopal choir teacher. 

    When I was out of town visiting my parents Christie chartered a private jet and arranged ground transportation to Vegas. WOW. She was telling me the ins and outs of PJ's - that's what my friend Ahmad calls them. We are having dinner with him and his lovely wife in Vegas. Apparently the only thing really frowned upon is flip flops and red wine (it's a creamy leather interior). There is no flight attendant but she's ordered a bunch of healthy snacks. The way back is longer than the way there bc of headwinds and tailwinds and all that. And apparently it is much cheaper to float the pilot in Vegas than send the plane back. All of this is way above my pay grade, so it's kind of exciting. Planning to take lots of pics. We are very interested in touring Old Vegas - the history and the museums. 

    Sooo nice to be back in a car with satellite radio. I was driving to work the other morning and even Madison on Lithium wasn't bothering me she actually made me laugh. She was talking about the disproportionate number of hot women who dated Pete Davidson. How does he get them? She wondered. He's a little funny, but not that number of hot famous women funny. If I had to choose, she said, I'd pick the drummer of the Offspring. He's hot, he's tall, and he's old enough to make me feel young. And he has a Ph.D. in molecular biology (I think?). If that's not hot what is? 

    I can't remember his name but I do remember seeing them at Zephyrfest in New Orleans circa early 90's. They weren't giving away free water at the concert and the lines were long as hell. I passed out from heat before noon and woke up in the lap of an English major who was hopelessly in love with me but despite his beautiful correspondence I just wasn't attracted to him. I did kind of mess up once at Lollapalooza and ended up drunkenly making out with him but I had to confess to him in a car at a gas station in Conway that I just wasn't interested in him in that way. He moved on and dated my tall leggy blond friend for a year. He had a type.

    Well I guess the title begs an explanation. So I had a gross only last week on a penile foreign object described as a metal hook. I'm not even a guy and I cringed. This was not a kid, he was definitely old enough to know better. Turns out, he had been treating urinary retention for a week with a coat hanger (this was definitely thicker than a coat hanger, Savanna said) and on the sixth day it got stuck so he went to the ED. I was so mortified I walked into Melody's office to share. Are you ok? She said, and after I told her the story she was like I'm not sure if that was brave, or stupid? A combination of both, I said. A bad combination. If you have urinary retention, go to a urologist, and get a TURP (transurethral resection of the prostate). Those prostates get fluffy with age. Happy Saturday, much love, Elizabeth

No comments: