Saturday, February 26, 2022

Penile Foreign Object #2

     What a crazy normal Arkansas weather week it has been. At least it will be back in the 70's by the end of the week. The ice is pretty, and I'm glad it didn't cause too much trouble. Round two may or may not happen tonight, but we are being conservative. I canceled a dinner with a friend and Jack is a little frustrated he can't go to the gym but I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially with a 16 year old, however cautious he is. It's so good to see Jack! It's been two weeks and now we have him for two whole weeks. Planning a trip to Fayetteville next weekend for a pre-birthday celebration for C and he's gonna stay in her dorm they are both so excited. He was raving about Hamilton - I bought him and S and his dad really good tickets for last weekend when I was gone. I always felt a little guilty I took C when Jack was the one that was obsessed with it bc of his Episcopal choir teacher. 

    When I was out of town visiting my parents Christie chartered a private jet and arranged ground transportation to Vegas. WOW. She was telling me the ins and outs of PJ's - that's what my friend Ahmad calls them. We are having dinner with him and his lovely wife in Vegas. Apparently the only thing really frowned upon is flip flops and red wine (it's a creamy leather interior). There is no flight attendant but she's ordered a bunch of healthy snacks. The way back is longer than the way there bc of headwinds and tailwinds and all that. And apparently it is much cheaper to float the pilot in Vegas than send the plane back. All of this is way above my pay grade, so it's kind of exciting. Planning to take lots of pics. We are very interested in touring Old Vegas - the history and the museums. 

    Sooo nice to be back in a car with satellite radio. I was driving to work the other morning and even Madison on Lithium wasn't bothering me she actually made me laugh. She was talking about the disproportionate number of hot women who dated Pete Davidson. How does he get them? She wondered. He's a little funny, but not that number of hot famous women funny. If I had to choose, she said, I'd pick the drummer of the Offspring. He's hot, he's tall, and he's old enough to make me feel young. And he has a Ph.D. in molecular biology (I think?). If that's not hot what is? 

    I can't remember his name but I do remember seeing them at Zephyrfest in New Orleans circa early 90's. They weren't giving away free water at the concert and the lines were long as hell. I passed out from heat before noon and woke up in the lap of an English major who was hopelessly in love with me but despite his beautiful correspondence I just wasn't attracted to him. I did kind of mess up once at Lollapalooza and ended up drunkenly making out with him but I had to confess to him in a car at a gas station in Conway that I just wasn't interested in him in that way. He moved on and dated my tall leggy blond friend for a year. He had a type.

    Well I guess the title begs an explanation. So I had a gross only last week on a penile foreign object described as a metal hook. I'm not even a guy and I cringed. This was not a kid, he was definitely old enough to know better. Turns out, he had been treating urinary retention for a week with a coat hanger (this was definitely thicker than a coat hanger, Savanna said) and on the sixth day it got stuck so he went to the ED. I was so mortified I walked into Melody's office to share. Are you ok? She said, and after I told her the story she was like I'm not sure if that was brave, or stupid? A combination of both, I said. A bad combination. If you have urinary retention, go to a urologist, and get a TURP (transurethral resection of the prostate). Those prostates get fluffy with age. Happy Saturday, much love, Elizabeth

Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Coming Together

     Is better than falling apart, that's for sure. I've been thinking of that title all day, and when I typed it I got the double entendre and LOL'd. I had the best day off I've had in two years. When your health is returning and you start to see your old self again and how much of it was gone, it's exhilarating. For starters, it's early, jury is still out, but my new Jeep is a dream. The technical display makes my Land Rover look like 1980's Atari. The back up camera is shockingly amazing. AND I FINALLY have music not coming from a tinny iPhone in my lap after about two long years. Today I figured out how to program 12 channels into my favorites on Sirius. I missed it sooo much - the best time for me to discover new music is in a car since I need silence to work. 

    I love driving it bc it reminds me of driving my Jeep in college. I'm not really picky about cars, my only requirement is that it is shaped like a square. There are too many cars these days that are oblong, like a suppository. Which is a handy shape if it is something you need to insert up your um anus but not so flattering, IMO, in a vehicle. And they all look the same! From Lexus to Ford. I anticipate a revolution soon, but until then, I'll take pride in the fact that I'm one of the only non-suppository shaped vehicles on the road.

    My friend Padma is having a girl's bday dinner, Laurie is hosting, Friday night at Petit and Keet and I am so sad to miss it (but the beach isn't too shabby). I decided I had to be there, even if I wasn't there - you know gifts and fun party stuff. I went into Wordsworth for the first time since the pandemic and it has changed quite a bit. Non-book gift selection way down, but OMG to be in a bookstore for the first time in so long the smells alone almost made me swoon. I'm trying hard to shake this pandemic squirrel brain so I optimistically bought a few books for my trip to Florida tomorrow. 

    Padma's not a book person. So I headed to Catering to You to look for gifts. They had a whole birthday table with these amazing rainbow napkins and a cool candle that would fit on any dessert. There were these 1970's shag pillows - I bought Padma a big one with a sun on it and all the guests (it's a girl dinner) smaller ones with hello and happy and rainbows and sunshines. And there was a birthday gourmet popcorn bag - it looked positively indulgent all drizzled with festive candy and chocolate everyone got one of those too. I got the jalapeno cheddar flavor for myself, and dark chocolate pretzel for Mom and Dad.

    We are implementing Dragon at work (finally) so big changes looming there for our company but I'm still so stoked about all the new technology I'm learning about from these other companies sometimes I can't sleep. I'm going to be a cog in a part of a huge revolution in pathology and the way we deliver cancer care to our patients. In lieu of a cure this is a huge development. And since pathology is going digital, urban and rural care become equal which is a big challenge in the health care profession. Happy Tuesday! Much love, Elizabeth

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

Artificial Intelligence

     I feel like this is one of the most exciting days of my career? But a little too premature to discuss details. Having trouble winding down though. 

    Pathology is moving in a whole new direction, and if we are to stay relevant, we need to jump on board. I learned recently within the past few months that AI is moving forward. And path is moving to digital (knew this, but if you use CME and ABP as a benchmark you'd think it would be lifetimes away their digital images suck ass). Phillips is the vanguard. I called Jesse all excited a couple of months ago. "They are reading prostate biopsies with algorithms. It's the future. 98% accuracy with prostate cancer. That's better than peer review." He googled the company I was talking about and LOL'd. He said I trained that guy who is the head when he was at Stanford. Stanford docs don't train to become docs. They train to become innovators. I told him that was on the horizon 15 years ago. Gave him the idea. Look at him realizing it.

    I thought I'd never transition from glass to computers but turns out I need to entertain it- it's much more efficient I hear. And an easier transition that you might imagine. So we are still in the early stages of figuring this out, but I feel like it's home and we are moving in the right direction.

    The head of a company that took us out to dinner tonight and generates hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue and has cutting edge technology at their fingertips admired my Jeep in the parking lot tonight. I've got one of those, he said. It's my favorite car. I lamented my LR4 problems and told him I had hope now that I'd finally gotten rid of it. I spent 3/4 of the drive to Capers accidentally without my headlights on. I had the seat heater and steering wheel heater come on automatically in 38 degrees this morning and had to roll my window down on the Interstate bc my butt was sweating and I couldn't figure out the instrumentation. It's a learning curve. But I'm optimistic.

    Said dinner buyer at Capers grew up camping on MY STREET and his brother cardiologist lives a mile away from me on Rivercrest. Small world! My business admin had to leave early to go to a granddaughters bday party. They are going through a divorce, he said. I need to support her I'm sorry to leave early and miss the dinner. Company head said I've been there seven times. Holy hell divorce I wondered? No surely he means grandkids. The latter was right. We LOL'd.

    I'm on call this week and ready for some digital innovation feels like twilight ages. But I'm proud of who we are and what we do. Next week headed to mom and dad's to see the new house it will be nice to have a few days off. Happy Tuesday much love, Elizabeth

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Check Engine

     I'd heard all of the warnings when I bought my Land Rover years ago, but it seemed hit or miss. I was hoping for a miss. I got a lemon. Dealing with that dealership is so painful I vowed, after being the victim of a very minor car accident years ago, and it took like six weeks for the door to arrive from England (not AR obv), never to use them again, and if I needed too, I would search for a new vehicle. I had to fight them for a replacement car to drive to work. And this was pre-pandemic! Ridiculous. 

    Also had an incident on Spring Break a few years ago that required us to rent a vehicle and have it transported to another city then towed back to AR. After a few weeks. Luckily it was still under warranty, so it didn't cost a thing but now the warranty is out. It's not just the big things. My satellite radio hasn't worked for over a year. The automatic wipers suck. Having said that, I love the fishbowl view of the highway and the look of the car but some things just aren't worth it.

    When my check engine light came on while running errands on Monday I was like OK. Here is my moment. Sink or swim. I went to get my oil changed yesterday morning at 7:30 am (so much fun to spend your precious time off dealing with cars - my forerunner never had any issues - I know, first world problems but still). The tire and service place I have used on Cantrell for years is going downhill. I prepared myself for an hour, even brought a book, but when they turned on ESPN loudly in the waiting room, and two other guys were there, I resigned myself to playing on my phone.

    Why, I thought, has this not been classified as audiotorture. The men are all yelling at each other and talking over each other and when, about an hour into it, Tom Brady announced his resignation on Instagram, it was like the whole studio went into a mad frenzy. A collective orgasm in reaction to the news. They were reading parts and bits of his apparently 6 page Insta rez and I LOL'd. Who writes six pages on that platform. I know, my brother and his wife were in Boston for years and went to some of the games, he's accomplished, but what athletic feat deserves this reveration? (I'm apparently making up words according to autocorrect, oh well.) That, I decided, was my ESPN exposure for the century. Next time I'll try to Uber home.

    When I finally tried to leave 2.5 hours after arriving (a record at that place for an oil change) they had left the hood popped accidentally and forgot to re-engage the safety air bags so I was getting lights and warnings not to drive over 20 miles an hour that added an extra half hour to the whole ordeal. The sixteen year old desk clerk told me that the engine light was on because I left the gas tank slightly ajar - um, I got gas five days ago but ok - so I wasn't surprised in the least when it came back on again on the way to my hair appointment with Maddy.

    I tried another car place after hair that ran an engine diagnostics I had requested done in the morning but didn't get a report on - I was so grateful to get away from the noise pollution I didn't care. They said it was two things - O2 something and catalytic not sure. I do bodies, not cars, so the terminology was lost on me. They wrote it down and I called my financial adviser's best friend - he gave me his cell months ago - who works on luxury vehicles without charging you an arm and a leg to open the hood. It could be nothing, he said, or something. Likely nothing. But call me again after the (maybe) storm and I'll fit you in.

    So I started car shopping. I drove my dad's Jeep last summer and it reminded me how much I like them. But I'm an adult, I thought, maybe check out a sedan or a coupe? I called my partner Michelle to ask how she liked her Audi. It's a Volvo, she said (LOL) but it's reliable, much more so than Darius' Range Rover. Give me the name of that guy you called. We will need him. Christy loves her BMW and their service but there are only six cars on the lot and they are all white (eww) and I don't want to wait.

    S said, and I agree, you will hate hoisting yourself out of a low car after all these years. Kind of like getting up off of a non-handicapped toilet, I thought. I'd rather jump down. Let's just table Fadi (the luxury car guru) and buy a car this weekend. The thought of car shopping sickens me - I'd rather have a nasty nauseous GI bug, but if I look online and go in on Saturday for the kill I can try to make it as painless as possible.

    Hopefully this storm will pass quickly and Saturday is still a shopping option. Of course I am going to work on Thursday and Friday (would have loved to have three days off to admire the ice but not in the cards) so I just packed for a hotel near Baptist. Arkansas weather. So unpredictable. Better safe than sorry, based on my history. Happy Wednesday, much love, Elizabeth