Thursday, February 25, 2021

Nurse Ratched

     Got to work this morning and received an e-mail directly from Judy!! To me! She regretted the call failing and told me to email if I have any more questions. I honestly got enough content I need to transcribe the call this weekend and start working on the article. I told her that and told her I would pull blocks from the autopsy I did Christmas Eve she listened and had new ideas I need to send for extra studies. I googled and it was 3:25 am in NZ when I e-mailed her at 7:30 am but she still sent me a note back this afternoon telling me I'd better send her a note about the test results. If I'm right, she said, you need to publish. I told her about the cray cardiologist but it would be worth working with him to get this info out there. 

    As I was leaving work today (early finally 3:30) I asked Hal if he would cover me I had to get Jack and get to my week late due to weather follow up surgical appointment. He said of course and I told him (it's honestly the first time I've mentioned it out loud not even to family) that I was worried this white plastic ball that has become exposed was in my foot. He looked and said surely not which was reassuring I told him I've had nightmares about it and he laughed. It's part of the dressing, he said.

    Jesse Burks, podiatrist and horror writer and director and brewery creator (another triple threat) was super kind. He said yes that is a pin it's in your bone. We will pull it slowly with a hemostat it's not painful. His nurse, however, had a different agenda. I've talked to her on the past couple of visits she's super sweet so she must have been going through something today Jack agreed she was over the top. She told me the white round plastic thing was the pinhead and without warning twirled it around in her hands right after I had enough courage to look at my toe and pin and stitches. I want to show you it doesn't hurt, she said, as she twirled it around incessantly. Jack even confirmed that once should have been enough she was pushing the limit by doing it over and over. Playing with a pin in my bone without explaining or asking. I got hot and had to take my coat off.

    Jesse was super kind and answered all my questions I'm sure he explained them before but you know how it is when you are the patient you can't absorb all the info. But then Nurse Ratched came in to take the stitches out - there were only five, but after the first two she was tugging and pulling so much I got hot and told her I was going to go from my lounge elbow position on the side to lying on my back. That was better and we got to talking about tattoos and I was a little ashamed and angry when she said if you are having this much trouble with stitches forget tattoos. I've got a huge pain tolerance I assured her I'm just struggling with the mental image. And her callousness. But of course I didn't say this. One of the biggest measures of compassion is maintaining it in spite of whatever shit you are experiencing. If this is true, I won big time today.

    Once again I complained of my surgical shoe and was told it was my fault how I was walking with the dressing (how tf is this my fault) and after a new dressing same same. She said you will have to pay for a new one like it was a grand I asked how much it was only twenty dollars. After the new dressing post stitch removal I got two forms to say if my insurance doesn’t pay the twenty bucks I will (I was honestly prepared to write a check) and she demanded my signature and accused me of not signing it (after I had) and asked me as I was fastening the new surgical shoe to give her the paperwork right away. I sighed as I worked on the velcro and reached over and gave it to her. 

    Happy almost Friday so glad I'm not on call this weekend. Much love, Elizabeth


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