Saturday, April 18, 2020


You probably think I'm crazy, after yesterday. Negative Elizabeth would agree with you. I poke fun at Elizabeth cubed, but I also have empathy for her. She was under the simultaneous realization that she had been seen by her Light, and she was also trying to see the LIGHT. She felt transparent, and invincible. She was like a cheese grater. The world was suddenly magical all at once, and also quite frightening. All of her oral fixations were working in overdrive. Her family, at one point, thought she was crazy. That was one of the most bitter pills she had to swallow in her entire life. But in retrospect, she can see all the angles. It was fear and love that drove them to that point, not anger and hatred.

She wasn't crazy - she was just finding her religion. I'm sure there are examples of this throughout history. She was coughing a lot. Exsufflation has been a sign of banishing evil demons throughout history - its very significant - I googled it yesterday. Banishing evil demons. Breathing in to bring in the light, breathing out to banish evil.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to check in on everyone. I walked into the micro lab. Amy said that we were using up all of the test kits - she gave me the stats. "We need more kits. I hope we get a big shipment on Monday." I also wandered into the gross room. One of my best friends, Laurie, was working solo. She was cutting in a breast.

"So I'm drinking too much." I laughed. Isn't everybody? I'm certainly not sleeping. This blog helps. I asked her, "What are you drinking?"

"Well you know red wine? It's too much." I empathized. Red wine can be too heavy and cloying. "I'm doing what the South Americans are doing. I cut it with Coke. Actually Dr. Pepper." I told her I hate Dr. Pepper, but that I love Coke, and that sounds interesting.  "It's a game changer. It tastes so good."

"I am drinking something new I tried a couple of weeks ago. Tanqueray rangpur gin. I drink it on ice, and cut it with a lemon elderflower soda I found at Trader Joe's. I think it's kind of funny, because I am also eating a lot of Indian food. I must have been an Indian at a very traumatic point in a former life." She laughed while she was slicing the fatty tissue with a fresh blade - putting the important pieces in cassettes for the pathologists to look at in the morning. She said, "That sounds amazing, I might steal your idea." And I hers.

At a certain point in your life, you take stock - inventory if you like. You decide who are the important people in your life, and who aren't. Family comes first. Whatever ills you have had with them in the past is hopefully superseded by love. Your important friends come first - those on the periphery can remain in the sidelines.

I've been doing that over the past few weeks, taking stock. And I find myself quite grateful. I couldn't have been born into better circumstances, and I couldn't  have a better group of people to support me into being what I am today. I'm finding myself overwhelmed with gratitude and love. It quiets me. I hope you are doing well too. Much love, E.

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