Monday, May 1, 2017

Diarrhea of the Mouth - Law and Order Version

It's close to midnight, and I'm up too late as usual, even though I've been up since 4am, and I'm talking too much (I do that sometimes, don't I?).

I had a unique experience today. I was a witness, not an expert witness, but a friend witness in a post divorce trial. Not sure of the outcome yet, but it was intense. What was supposed to be a half hour turned into 4 hours of an already busy call Monday. It was so toxic I was ready to pitch a tent for my friend. I've never been to the Pulaski County Courthouse, except to obtain marriage degrees.

Despite a dose of beta blockers I was nervous as hell. Sitting outside waiting, talking to other witnesses. At one point I learned my testimony might be blocked by the opposing counsel. They tried for over an hour, to no avail. I think they thought they could stall long enough that I would exasperatedly return to work. They thought wrong. I was strengthened by their determination to silence me.

The lunch in the basement of the courtroom was primitive. Ham or turkey sandwich, or choose from a variety of junk food. I found a Nature Valley oats and honey granola bar, and a large bottle of cold water. The plainclothes detective with handcuffs emerging from his back pocket moved aside so I could pay. I approached the counter. "Do you take a card? Check?"

"No, only cash. But I'll take your purse."

"Ha, I get lots of compliments. I'm keeping the purse. But I've got to go get some cash from my friends."

"I'll buy your lunch." This, from the detective. I thanked him profusely. Small courtesies in a long hard day seem overly gratuitous, and my appreciation swelled to astronomical heights.

When I was finally called I was so exhausted from lack of decent lunch and afternoon coffee I was ready for anything. I swore in, settled on the stand, and fielded questions through the microphone from both counsel. It was like a TV show - but I've never much preferred lawyer/court TV shows so I felt at a disadvantage. Maybe that played well for my friend. I hope so. She deserves it.

Despite objections and overrulings I think I got my point across. I could go into way more detail but I value confidence. Last question:

"So you don't think it was too much for her to ask where her son was."

"I'm a mother. I like to know where my kids are."

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