Monday, February 13, 2017

Accepting Limits

I remember the moment I decided to give up on skiing. Vividly - it was last year during Spring Break. One minute I was on the verge of a tiny snow hill, one long conquered by my kids and then boyfriend, heart beating rapidly. The next moment I was lying on the ground in the snow, my body in an awkward X shape like a dead body police mark, buried skis making it seem impossible to move without breaking a kneecap. I stared up at the sky. "This is actually relaxing," I thought. "I could stay here forever, and never have to try to run a blue to impress my kids." I didn't stay there forever, but it was a good 20 minutes before I even tried to move.

Nevertheless, I tried. The year before I ponied up for group lessons, to no avail. Last year I ponied up even ridiculously more for individual lessons. Still I couldn't stay the anxiety that kept me moving in slow horizontal terror down a vertical slope, kids smiling and racing in front of me, beating me to the mid-blue hill restaurant by almost a half hour. "But I can scuba dive," I wanted to scream. "I can name cancer on 5 cells. I'm a badass in other arenas." But not this. Maybe not ever.

It's calming, to relinquish the desire to achieve in areas your kids pressure you to. There are other activities to do in snowy weather. Today, I signed up for a two hour guided snowshoe tour - one that my Facebook path friend lauded. She was at this conference a few years ago, and was giving me tips on messenger. "I only do greens and easy blues. I take beta blockers."

"I've taken beta blockers for many situations, but never skiing. Good idea. But maybe next year - I'm taking a break this year. And I've gotta convince my kids that I'm never going to be as good as them, and they will have to accept that fact and let me be happy with my greens."

This conference starts at 6:30 am and is over by 11:00 am everyday, so everyone can hit the slopes. Not me. I'm hitting the salon for a pedi and massages, and snowshoe tours. Planning to go to Aspen one evening - ACES (Aspen Center for Environmental Studies) does free lectures on Naturalist Nights. There's one on Wednesday by a Professor at Colorado State University about energy development impacts on wildlife. They sponsor the 2 hour snowshoe tours in Snowmass, and I can hire a naturalist guide to do an even longer one later this week. That's about my speed.


Liana said...

Ack. Sounds like a bad fall!!!

I've been skiing for almost 30 years. I love it, but I'm still not very good at it! The learning curve for skiing is pretty steep!

Gizabeth Shyder said...

It really wasn't a bad fall. At the end of the slope, there was a small bump I knew in my overthinking mind I could not clear. And I was right. But I was really only going about five MPH, so the fall was kind of relaxing and fun.