Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Diva Cup and Zombies

I left my office today and got sideswiped. There were hordes of people in the lab hallway.

My office is separated from the other pathologists, the clinical lab, transcription, and histology by this hallway. About three months ago the entire hospital traffic from the main hospital to the food and gift shop was re-routed for 10 weeks due to major construction. We were warned, we were prepared, but it was still Hell. Every time I left my office I had to check both ways to ensure I wasn't flattened by a wheelchair or trampled by a listless patient in a nightgown. Traffic varied - it trickled, it was steady, there were hordes. The worst was getting called to a rad needle or a frozen section and being hampered by what we eventually all dubbed zombies. And I thought it was over for good.

I stormed into transcription. "What is going on?"

"They have re-routed to tile."

"And that takes like one day right? Why weren't we warned?"

"It's going on until January 6."

As if that wasn't enough, the construction started and the sounds were vaulted directly to the ceiling above me. I might have to buy some more earplugs tomorrow.

I left around noon to meet an OB/GYN friend. My son had left some presents for me in her car when he was at a sleepover with her son last weekend. I had seen her office a few months ago, pre big time renovation, and wanted to see the finished product.

I texted her from the seventh floor. "There is no 770. I'm in neurosurgery. Help."

"You are in the wrong tower."

When I made it to the right tower she excitedly greeted me in the waiting room.

"I just got a whole shipment of this lubricant! All natural. Isn't the bottle lovely?"

"What is that for?"

"Um, sex?"

"I know, I've just never used it."

"It's more popular with the post-menopausal crowd and breastfeeding moms. And women who hate their husbands."

I met her partner who I had helped out with a case of pinworm on the cervix earlier this year. We laughed about posting pics in our relative PMG fields on Facebook. They started talking about this revolutionary thing for menstruation, called the Diva Cup.

"What is a Diva Cup?"

"You don't need to know, if you have been on IUD for ten years."

"Yes, but for my daughter. I want to know."

"It's this cup, you put it in in the shower in the morning. You don't have to change it for twelve hours. Beats tampons and pads by far. Might not want to have sex with it, but maybe you can."

"I would think it might get bumped against."

"Girl, you only had two kids. We both had three. Big difference. It's like a cavern in there. Diva cup won't affect anything."

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