Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Girl On Fire

I picked up the kids tonight after yoga at their dad's house. They are usually indoors but the light is longer and the summer is near. As I approached the wraparound front porch to knock on the door of the large white farmhouse, I heard the kids calling me from the Magnolia tree in the side yard. I spent 20 minutes watching them best their greatest heights and show off their flip stunts they had taught each other before we went inside to gather their backpacks and lunch boxes. It was exhilarating. I love that they have that outdoor space at their dad and stepmom's to gather berries and climb trees. My home is more suburban and contained. But we have fun here too - planning outdoor adventures together to bike over the Big Dam Bridge or visit outdoor festivals with their friends.

On the way home I let them pick songs on Spotify. It was Jack's turn in the front seat, so he was driving the tunes. He chose this song - and old fave - he likes the remix with Nicki Minaj best. As we all belted out the words I wondered, "Is he thinking of me? Of Katniss? Of Cecelia? Of himself?" No matter. I remembered reading the New York Times Magazine exclusive on homelessness a little while back - here is the link - and I thought about Dasani dancing to this song in her basement. I wondered how she is doing now. I hope she's OK. I remember her story moving me to tears in my office as I ate my quick lunch between work.

Today was epically stressful, but in a good way. I had a record number of frozens in a short period of time after lunch - 7 in one hour. Two neurovascular bundle margins on a prostate. Three brain frozens - I love that this neurosurgeon comes in to talk to me face to face about my findings. An easy parathyroid. Despite the pressure in my chest screaming anxiety I kept a poker face and sailed through. Being busy is kind of like a drug. I never did much in the way of drugs - too scared of losing control - but I imagine it is better than the best high on the planet to be in charge of your surroundings and help surgeons guide patient care.

To all the girls and boys out there - stay on fire. Make it a slow burn. It's gotta last. Enjoy it and don't get hurt. Use the fuel for good. We all have that potential inside.

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