Thursday, September 17, 2009

Killing a Fly With a Bomb

While dictating today, I was reminded of an enigma from my fellowship.  It was my first fellowship year - Surgical Pathology with an emphasis in Gastrointestinal(GI) Pathology.  Every other month Dr. Woods and I would switch off sitting at the scope with the GI Princess, Dr. Styles, while she was doing her afternoon outside challenging GI consultations.  

One day, we started getting calls and complaints from her consultants -  cases we had already completed with e-mailed reports were not getting back to the consulting doctors.  Strangely, the majority of the reports were making it to the outside institution (the one that I now work at), but sporadically they would disappear.  Despite enjoying wading around in the muck of the GI tract, Dr. Styles is a highly obsessive compulsive perfectionist, and disappearing reports not only did not fit her image, they also started to frustrate her to no end.  I had to bring a lot of extra chocolate to keep her in a good mood that week.  And she's picky about her chocolate.  As she should be.

Neither Dr. Styles or myself are the most tech savvy individuals on the planet; at the time, she deferred to me to take her pictures for her conferences and insert them into her power point presentations.  You can imagine how hard up she was - depending on me of all people.  A week's worth of detective work was centered first around Dr. Styles' computer and her sending techniques, but nothing seemed out of sorts.  Turning the investigation to the receiving secretary's computers, and then the entire hospital network systems, finally revealed the culprit.  The hospital she was sending her reports to had just installed a new porn filter system, one that was kicking out all reports with the words "rectum" and "anus" in them.  This is a big problem for a gastrointestinal pathologist.

So if you want to get your kicks at this hospital, you will be just fine if you are into the duodenum, jejunum, or ileum.  It is easy to search the colon or the esophagus.  You are only in trouble if you stick to the conventionally erotic body parts.  

I wonder if Dr. K had trouble sending breast reports that week.

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