A Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack

My brother sent me the link to a synopsis of this article the other day:  you can read about it at Wired Science here.  If you actually click to the PDF link it gets into some pretty advanced math that easily stumps the layman, I took my brother's word on this and didn't try it out for myself.  But it started a conversation between us that got me thinking about scientific articles in general.  

So many of the titles are dry as a bone - full of transgenic this and signaling pathway that; rather than draw the reader in with anticipation and excitement, most of them are a deterrent.  For example:

Aberrations of 6q13 Mapped to the COL12A1 locus in Chondromyxoid Fibroma,

a recent Modern Pathology article by Julia Bridge.  Not that I am knocking this molecular genius, and in her defense, most scientific journals demand rigor and sparsity, in all writing.  Here's another example:

Src homology 2 domain-containing inositol-5-phosphatase and CCAAT enhancer-binding protein {beta} are targeted by miR-155 in B cells of E{micro}-miR-155 transgenic mice,

a recent article by S. Costinean et. al. in Blood.  This title reminds me of my molecular research days, when researching for a project was like wading through a massive pile of alphabet soup.  KRAS, BRAF, EGF-R, Jak-Stat, etc. etc.  The title above hardly excites you that these people may be really getting to the bottom of the molecular transformations that lead to acute lymphoblastic leukemia/high grade lymphoma.  You have to wade around in the muck of the article for a while before discovering the actual purpose.  A title should draw the reader in, not induce a brain freeze/eye glaze that makes them want to immediately skip to the next abstract.  But as I said earlier, this is the precedent to follow.  

Not all science gets it wrong.  Take this title in the recent issue of Blood:  Double Jeopardy 

by R.H. Aster.  It is a fascinating little tale about a platelet function inhibitor that, while trying to reduce the risk of heart attacks, actually can cause a life-threatening thrombocytopenia.  In other words, it can go overboard, making the platelet numbers sink so low that there is a risk of bleeding, where it was given initially to prevent clotting.  Incidentally, the inhibitor drug is derived from a protein in the venom of a pygmy southeastern rattlesnake.  I imagine a victim of this snakebite would hemorrhage to death.

Here's another catchy title:  SOS:  Too many irons in the fire!

by M. De Lima.  Another reader attracting title that describes a hypothetical link between pre-stem cell transplant elevated iron levels and post-transplant complication of hepatic sinusoidal obstruction syndrome, or veno-occlusive disease.  Now your eyes are glazing over, but I'm sure in the reader can draw parallels in his or her respective area of expertise.

So my Ph.D.-bound brother is writing articles for the field of food science, and trying to think of catchy titles.  Kudos to him!  It is time to set a new precedent for writing scientific articles.  I'll read it.  Especially if it has the word "zombies" in the title.