Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Rectal Foreign Body

Me: Call Dr. Woods.

Dr. Woods: Hello?

Me: I've got an interesting case. Guy stuck a candle up his ass. They had to convert to open. He had a colostomy.

Dr. Woods: That happened to me a few years ago! Did I tell you about it?

Me: No.

Dr. Woods: It was a teenager. They handled it under anal sedation. He came back, for the candle. It was huge! Three wicks.

Me: No.

Him: He said his mom wanted it. It was covered in feces. He was skulking around the gross room like the unabomber. Hoodie, bad affect, the works.

Me: Do you think he really wanted it for his mom?

Woods: Hell no. Who knows why he wanted it back. Cheeky lad, to get what burned him.

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