Saturday, March 20, 2010

In The Woods

Well, I couldn't stay away as long as I would have liked. Insomnia does wonders for desire for creative expression.

Work was incredibly busy, the last two days. Blissfully mind-numbing. I had a record number of cases on Friday (was that only a few hours ago?). Parent/teacher conferences in the a.m. Surprisingly, I got a case from an old med school buddy, one that I thought had moved to Texas. He had the record score on the MCAT in our class - a blindingly high number that quickly circulated our freshman year. I had so many tough, important cases - clinician calls were coming out of the woodwork. It's great to talk to clinicians - you get important information about the patient that can steer your diagnostic skills in the right direction - but on crazy days it can just slow you down. He called me around three or four in the afternoon - I hadn't talked to him in a year or so.

"Hey! Great to hear from you. Why is your name on this case? Are you back in town?"

"No, still in Texas."

He told me about his new group, and his new job. He was always a talker, and this conversation was not going to be short. I threw some benign thyroid cases on the scope, so I could get some work done while I was talking to him.

We talked about the patient first, and it was nice to be able to tell him that what I was seeing was not recurrent cancer - just benign stuff. Maybe infectious. Stains pending over the weekend will help (or not) pin down the culprit. After that was over, I asked him how he was doing.

"Any new kids? I know you have one boy. How is your wife?"

His wife is an amazingly beautiful nurse he met in training at an institution in another state. I met her at a Christmas party a couple of years back, and remember talking to her about her family in Oklahoma. Quality girl.

"We had one more, during the move. Another boy. He's 8 months now. Doing great."

"Congratulations! I'm so happy for you."

"What about you? Any more kids?"

I laughed. "No, I'm done, I think. Just the two. That's enough. They are really great."

I'm not reading much, these days. Stress makes it difficult to focus. But I keep going back to In the Woods - such a great book. I think the real reason I liked it so much (this happens with books) is that I identified with the main character - Adam Ryan. I felt like I was him. I had enormous empathy for his situation, even though it was entirely different from my own.

Adam was a part of a trio, who were helping him. I get Sam. I have a Sam. My Sam is my sister, my (gasp) therapist, and my best friend Alyssa all rolled up in one. Luckily, they have more intelligence and shrewdness, and less naivety, than poor old Sam.

What I need, so bad, is a Cassie. Friendship, emotional support, and intelligence. Sometimes (well once) this need is so overwhelming that it makes me do crazy things. Want to flout the rules and just need. Lose control with my need, so much that it scares the hell out of me. I am not one to lose control. Doesn't happen, in my life.

Got directions to Jonesboro in the a.m. There is a new route - one a little bit different from the last time I went. Thank God for the iphone.

I hope I don't end up like Adam. I see that potential, in me.

Music time.

1 comment:

rlbates said...

Hang in there. {{{hugs}}}